I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
