Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
