so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
