census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
