in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
