soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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