Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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