Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
