What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You ever have a fart follow you around?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
