last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
