"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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