It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
