tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
