I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
