He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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