Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
