I will die if light touches me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
