I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
