Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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