i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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