If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
