i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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