does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
