I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
