You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
