Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
