apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
