he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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