walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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