i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
