I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
