I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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