I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
