Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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