I smell stomach acid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
foreskin is a definite game changer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
