i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He felt like a one man threesome
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
