So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
