I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
