worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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