Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
