wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize