But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
