sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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