You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize