Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
