yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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