God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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