My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
