also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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