Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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