I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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