i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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