Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
