so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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