I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
