Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
