I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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