Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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