so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
