Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
