I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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