just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
