we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
