dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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